Big snow storms have arrived. Memories of our tiny sandals are stored away. Nature has repainted life from the fiery palette of fall to hues of winter’s blues. It's time for serious clothing. It's time for the timeless black leather boot!
One of the staples in a woman’s shoe collection is the classic black leather boot—so versatile and sexy it can be worn in formal and casual activities. One word of caution when investing in a pair of boots; don’t sacrifice fit or quality for cost. Comfortable, well made boots can last a life-time if treated with proper care such as a quick cleaning with leather conditioner after trudging though snow or slush.
There are many different styles of black leather boots from which to choose. Locating that perfect pair is both daunting and fun. Defining personal needs can be the first step in finding the perfect pair. It can also eliminate “buyer’s remorse” that often follows random emotional purchases.
Black Boots can be as individual in style, shapes, sizes and versatility as the person wearing them. Some boots zip up, others lace, while a third group can be pulled on for a snug fit. This year's popular ankle boot—great looks great with anything from jeans to pencil skirts and the patent leather boot—perfect for slushy or rainy days. However, given all the choices in stores and online, I think a classic knee-high black leather boot is like wearing the timeless “little black dress.” Wear them together and look attractive, confident and "HOT" throughout the cold seasons.
Kathleen O’Keefe-Kanavos www.survivingcancerland.com @PsychicHealing on twitter.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
LISTEN TO YOUR HEART
Women have big hearts and are generally the universal care givers. Yet, they are also the last people to listen to or take care of their hearts. They follow their hearts in matters of love but not matters of life. If someone they love complained of chest and arm pain, or shortness of breath, it is the care giver who would run for the phone. However, when a woman has jaw pain, we rationalize it as having too many “balls in the air” as we juggle our lives, family, friends, pets, dinner, laundry… . So, we sit for ten minutes, a long time in our busy schedule, and take it easy until the symptoms ease or pass.
Few women realize that jaw pain is a symptom of heart attack. If a busy family life can make you clench your fist and teeth, surely that is the culprit of the jaw pain, not a heart attack. Think again! Our body is speaking to us.
As women, our bodies have been speaking to us from the beginning of womankind. Our bodies tell up when we are ovulating, menstruating, pregnant and when a family member is in trouble. This information comes to us through dreams, intuitions and symptoms. This is the spirit of our being. We must listen to ourselves- our inner voices- our intuitions and symptoms. Listen to your heart and follow your female instincts. Take care of your spirit and it will take care of you.
www.survivingcancerland.com
Women have big hearts and are generally the universal care givers. Yet, they are also the last people to listen to or take care of their hearts. They follow their hearts in matters of love but not matters of life. If someone they love complained of chest and arm pain, or shortness of breath, it is the care giver who would run for the phone. However, when a woman has jaw pain, we rationalize it as having too many “balls in the air” as we juggle our lives, family, friends, pets, dinner, laundry… . So, we sit for ten minutes, a long time in our busy schedule, and take it easy until the symptoms ease or pass.
Few women realize that jaw pain is a symptom of heart attack. If a busy family life can make you clench your fist and teeth, surely that is the culprit of the jaw pain, not a heart attack. Think again! Our body is speaking to us.
As women, our bodies have been speaking to us from the beginning of womankind. Our bodies tell up when we are ovulating, menstruating, pregnant and when a family member is in trouble. This information comes to us through dreams, intuitions and symptoms. This is the spirit of our being. We must listen to ourselves- our inner voices- our intuitions and symptoms. Listen to your heart and follow your female instincts. Take care of your spirit and it will take care of you.
www.survivingcancerland.com
Monday, February 1, 2010
LAW OF ATTRACTION IN RELATIONSHIPS
LAW OF ATTRACTION IN RELATIONSHIPS
When I was 26, living in Fort Myers, Florida, and thought I would never find the right person to spend the rest of my life with, I had this little chat with God.
“Look,” I said to God, after rejecting another date. “If there is someone you want me to be with for the rest of my life please “bring him on” and if I am to stay single for the rest of my life that is fine too, but please don’t send me anymore losers. I’m almost thirty years old. I don’t have time for these weirdoes anymore. What must I do to find the love of my life?”
A week later, on Sadie Hawkins Day, I met Peter in a grungy bar. A friend was having second thoughts about her impending divorce and asked me to meet her for a drink and a chat. Attempting to have a private conversation was difficult as the chairs around our table quickly filled with men who offered us drinks, dances, and their screws. Yes, their screws! At the door women were given bolts and men were given screws for the Sadie Hawkins Day Party that has been held the first Saturday in November since 1938. Sadie Hawkin, the homely unwed daughter of the Mayor of Cartoonist Al Capp’s Lil Abner pursued the top eligible bachelors in a “run for your life” foot race. The ultimate prize was matrimony for the spinsters. And here I was…at the party for the spinsters.
But, the goal at this party was not to run men down but rather to find your partner by getting “screwed.” I threw my bolt away after a Neanderthal’s almost fit. Just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore, in walked handsome Peter, my future husband and love of my life. I was instantly drawn to this gorgeous Greek with sun streaked hair and the most beautiful soft brown eyes I’d ever seen. I fell in love with the “windows to Peter’s soul.” We spent the next three years together until the day my in-laws gave us a society wedding at Copley Plaza in Boston. My father-in- law always said, “Kathy ran from Peter just fast enough to catch him.” If Peter was my Li’l Abner, then I was his Daisy Mae. With Peter by my side, I felt God had answered my prayers. “Ask and ye shall receive.” had worked.
15 years later my Li’l Abner stood by his Daisy Mae. I was diagnosed with breast cancer twice that was missed by the medical community both times but not by my female intuition. We fought this disease together for ten year that included treatment , operations, and soul searching.
When your health is challenged your relationships are challenged. The closer the relationship the greater the challenge because deep emotions result in deep cracks. Crisis causes relationships to either grow stronger or fall apart… but they never stay the same.
The way I see it, relationships are like bricks in archways; two or more entities fused together to become one. When an earthquake like illness and economic changes shakes those bonds to their foundation, cracks form. If the cracks are ignored, perhaps from denial, they grow larger until they completely split. However, if the cracks are scrutinized with soul searching and repaired with love and respect, the attachment can become so strong that when everything else is reduced to rubble, the archway survives. My illness registered a 5.0 magnitude on the Richter scale of Existence and although my life had tumbled down around my ears, my 27 year marriage is still standing.I had my moments of doubt but I always reflectd on why I made the marriage choice I made, and the doubts are put into perspective. When I remember how I met and why I married my husband, I realize that a prayer was answered--a desire had manifested-- and my Law of Attraction is still in play.
When I was 26, living in Fort Myers, Florida, and thought I would never find the right person to spend the rest of my life with, I had this little chat with God.
“Look,” I said to God, after rejecting another date. “If there is someone you want me to be with for the rest of my life please “bring him on” and if I am to stay single for the rest of my life that is fine too, but please don’t send me anymore losers. I’m almost thirty years old. I don’t have time for these weirdoes anymore. What must I do to find the love of my life?”
A week later, on Sadie Hawkins Day, I met Peter in a grungy bar. A friend was having second thoughts about her impending divorce and asked me to meet her for a drink and a chat. Attempting to have a private conversation was difficult as the chairs around our table quickly filled with men who offered us drinks, dances, and their screws. Yes, their screws! At the door women were given bolts and men were given screws for the Sadie Hawkins Day Party that has been held the first Saturday in November since 1938. Sadie Hawkin, the homely unwed daughter of the Mayor of Cartoonist Al Capp’s Lil Abner pursued the top eligible bachelors in a “run for your life” foot race. The ultimate prize was matrimony for the spinsters. And here I was…at the party for the spinsters.
But, the goal at this party was not to run men down but rather to find your partner by getting “screwed.” I threw my bolt away after a Neanderthal’s almost fit. Just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore, in walked handsome Peter, my future husband and love of my life. I was instantly drawn to this gorgeous Greek with sun streaked hair and the most beautiful soft brown eyes I’d ever seen. I fell in love with the “windows to Peter’s soul.” We spent the next three years together until the day my in-laws gave us a society wedding at Copley Plaza in Boston. My father-in- law always said, “Kathy ran from Peter just fast enough to catch him.” If Peter was my Li’l Abner, then I was his Daisy Mae. With Peter by my side, I felt God had answered my prayers. “Ask and ye shall receive.” had worked.
15 years later my Li’l Abner stood by his Daisy Mae. I was diagnosed with breast cancer twice that was missed by the medical community both times but not by my female intuition. We fought this disease together for ten year that included treatment , operations, and soul searching.
When your health is challenged your relationships are challenged. The closer the relationship the greater the challenge because deep emotions result in deep cracks. Crisis causes relationships to either grow stronger or fall apart… but they never stay the same.
The way I see it, relationships are like bricks in archways; two or more entities fused together to become one. When an earthquake like illness and economic changes shakes those bonds to their foundation, cracks form. If the cracks are ignored, perhaps from denial, they grow larger until they completely split. However, if the cracks are scrutinized with soul searching and repaired with love and respect, the attachment can become so strong that when everything else is reduced to rubble, the archway survives. My illness registered a 5.0 magnitude on the Richter scale of Existence and although my life had tumbled down around my ears, my 27 year marriage is still standing.I had my moments of doubt but I always reflectd on why I made the marriage choice I made, and the doubts are put into perspective. When I remember how I met and why I married my husband, I realize that a prayer was answered--a desire had manifested-- and my Law of Attraction is still in play.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
ONE LIGHT BULB AT A TIME
ONE LIGHT BULB AT A TIME
Dear Readers,
Save your wallet and our economy. I received this comment and email from my sister-in-law, a 25 year breast cancer survivor and my hero. Read it, share your thoughts and pass it on.
Kathleen O’Keefe-Kanavos
*****
Very interesting e-mail. I do always try to buy “Made in America” because it has always been important to me; my mother brought me up that way! She was a small-town woman who always said, “God, Family, Country” and I have always tried to follow her philosophy when possible. It especially bugs my husband when we see items marked “Made in Vietnam”. He said those people were trying to kill him in the 70’s and now they want him to buy something that they’ve made!! Like Japan and Germany after WWII. I know, I know, if they make it better we should buy it, right? Build up their economy at the cost of our own? I don’t think so. Hershey’s, how I loved you!! Anyway, that’s my own philosophy and I don’t try to push it on anyone else (except perhaps my children, but that’s a mother’s duty, isn’t it?) I think this is interesting and just want to share it with you. Check the labels and thanks for listening!
Charlayne
*****
ONE LIGHT BULB AT A TIME
A physics teacher in high school, once told the
students that while one grasshopper on the railroad tracks wouldn't
slow a train very much, a billion of them would. With that thought
in mind, read the following, obviously written by a good American ….
Good idea .... one light bulb at a time . . . .
Check this out. I can verify this because I was in Lowe's the other day for some reason and just for the heck of it I was looking at the hose
attachments. They were all made in China . The next day I was in Ace
Hardware and just for the heck of it I checked the hose attachments there. They were made in USA . Start looking ….
In our current economic situation, every little thing we buy or do affects
someone else - even their job.
My grandson likes Hershey's candy. I noticed, though, that it is marked
made in Mexico now…. I do not buy it any more.
My favorite toothpaste Colgate is made in Mexico ... now
I have switched to Crest. You have to read the labels on everything.
This past weekend I was at Kroger. I needed 60 W light bulbs and Bounce dryer sheets. I was in the light bulb aisle, and right next to the GE brand I normally buy was an off-brand labeled, "Everyday Value." I picked up both types of bulbs and compared the stats -they were the same except for the price….
The GE bulbs were more money than the Everyday Value brand but the
thing that surprised me the most was the fact that GE was made in MEXICO and the Everyday Value brand was made in - get ready for this - the USA in a company in Cleveland, Ohio.
So throw out the myth that you cannot find products you use every day that are made right here….
So on to another aisle - Bounce Dryer Sheets.....yep, you guessed it,
Bounce cost more money and is made in Canada . The Everyday Value
brand was less money and MADE IN THE USA! I did laundry yesterday
and the dryer sheets performed just like the Bounce Free I have been using for years and at almost half the price!
My challenge to you is to start reading the labels when you shop for
everyday things and see what you can find that is made in the USA - the
job you save may be your own or your neighbors!
If you accept the challenge, pass this on to others in your address book so we can all start buying American, one light bulb at a time! Stop buying
from overseas companies!
(We should have awakened a decade ago.)
Let's get with the program....help our fellow Americans keep their jobs and create more jobs here in the USA.
I Passed this on ........ will you???????
An American Consumer
Dear Readers,
Save your wallet and our economy. I received this comment and email from my sister-in-law, a 25 year breast cancer survivor and my hero. Read it, share your thoughts and pass it on.
Kathleen O’Keefe-Kanavos
*****
Very interesting e-mail. I do always try to buy “Made in America” because it has always been important to me; my mother brought me up that way! She was a small-town woman who always said, “God, Family, Country” and I have always tried to follow her philosophy when possible. It especially bugs my husband when we see items marked “Made in Vietnam”. He said those people were trying to kill him in the 70’s and now they want him to buy something that they’ve made!! Like Japan and Germany after WWII. I know, I know, if they make it better we should buy it, right? Build up their economy at the cost of our own? I don’t think so. Hershey’s, how I loved you!! Anyway, that’s my own philosophy and I don’t try to push it on anyone else (except perhaps my children, but that’s a mother’s duty, isn’t it?) I think this is interesting and just want to share it with you. Check the labels and thanks for listening!
Charlayne
*****
ONE LIGHT BULB AT A TIME
A physics teacher in high school, once told the
students that while one grasshopper on the railroad tracks wouldn't
slow a train very much, a billion of them would. With that thought
in mind, read the following, obviously written by a good American ….
Good idea .... one light bulb at a time . . . .
Check this out. I can verify this because I was in Lowe's the other day for some reason and just for the heck of it I was looking at the hose
attachments. They were all made in China . The next day I was in Ace
Hardware and just for the heck of it I checked the hose attachments there. They were made in USA . Start looking ….
In our current economic situation, every little thing we buy or do affects
someone else - even their job.
My grandson likes Hershey's candy. I noticed, though, that it is marked
made in Mexico now…. I do not buy it any more.
My favorite toothpaste Colgate is made in Mexico ... now
I have switched to Crest. You have to read the labels on everything.
This past weekend I was at Kroger. I needed 60 W light bulbs and Bounce dryer sheets. I was in the light bulb aisle, and right next to the GE brand I normally buy was an off-brand labeled, "Everyday Value." I picked up both types of bulbs and compared the stats -they were the same except for the price….
The GE bulbs were more money than the Everyday Value brand but the
thing that surprised me the most was the fact that GE was made in MEXICO and the Everyday Value brand was made in - get ready for this - the USA in a company in Cleveland, Ohio.
So throw out the myth that you cannot find products you use every day that are made right here….
So on to another aisle - Bounce Dryer Sheets.....yep, you guessed it,
Bounce cost more money and is made in Canada . The Everyday Value
brand was less money and MADE IN THE USA! I did laundry yesterday
and the dryer sheets performed just like the Bounce Free I have been using for years and at almost half the price!
My challenge to you is to start reading the labels when you shop for
everyday things and see what you can find that is made in the USA - the
job you save may be your own or your neighbors!
If you accept the challenge, pass this on to others in your address book so we can all start buying American, one light bulb at a time! Stop buying
from overseas companies!
(We should have awakened a decade ago.)
Let's get with the program....help our fellow Americans keep their jobs and create more jobs here in the USA.
I Passed this on ........ will you???????
An American Consumer
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
2010- WHITE TIGER/RED HEART
On February 14th—St. Valentine’s Day—The East will meet the West. The mystical White Tiger will face Cupid’s arrow. As we celebrate the mythical Roman god’s day of love, and Christianities St. Valentine, China will celebrate the New Year. Ancient Eastern mysticism will converge with Western modernism on the day that symbolizes affection. St. Valentine’s Day/Chinese New Year will celebration different cultures and embrace ideals of ancient sorcery and modern realism. 2010 will be a year of combined dualities that will result in a time in history that will be stronger than the sum of its individual parts.
According to the Chinese zodiac, 2010 is the year of the WHITE TIGER—“gyeong” means white and “in” means tiger. The White Metal Tiger of 2010 is the ruler of the Fall season and governor of the metal elements. According to Chinese mythology there are five tigers that hold the balance of the cosmic forces in place and prevent chaos from collapsing into the universe. The year 2010 and the Chinese white tiger have strong numerical and symbolic synchronicities. In numerology, the year 2010 is 20+10=30=3+0=3. Three is the universal number for heaven, earth and waster. It is also the human body, soul and spirit. The month of the tiger is the third month of the year—March. And the tiger occupies the third position on the Chinese zodiac. The time of the tiger is from 3:00am to 4:59am—the Hour of Souls—a special time when the dying often chooses to free themselves from their physical bodies. The tiger is not only the emblem of protection for the living; it is the protector of the dead.
How does all this equate to what is in store for us in the year 2010? Through sheer will power, 2010 will create balance that will diminish chaos. Tigers go where angels fear to tread. The year 2010 will be the year of the protected free spirits. The elements of the tiger will herald in strength, power and wealth—Tsaishen Key.
When the sun sets in the West, love will have united East and West and conquered all. The message is clear: religions, mysticisms and technology will be united and produce offspring capable of living in many worlds by transcending time and space. One of the biggest changes in life on earth will be technological innovations that will align ancient spiritual “truths and scientific” facts. 2010, year of the White Tiger, will be an interesting year, indeed.
SOURCES:
http://pages.infinite.net/garrick/chinese/tiger.html
http://wwwchinesezodiac,comtiger.php
http://english.donga.com/service.php3?bicode=040000&biid
http://joongangdaily.joins.com.article
http://www.ofesite.com/spirit/numerology/path9.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cupid
http://ww23.rr.com/index.php?origURL=http://wwwchinesezodiac,comtiger.php/
On February 14th—St. Valentine’s Day—The East will meet the West. The mystical White Tiger will face Cupid’s arrow. As we celebrate the mythical Roman god’s day of love, and Christianities St. Valentine, China will celebrate the New Year. Ancient Eastern mysticism will converge with Western modernism on the day that symbolizes affection. St. Valentine’s Day/Chinese New Year will celebration different cultures and embrace ideals of ancient sorcery and modern realism. 2010 will be a year of combined dualities that will result in a time in history that will be stronger than the sum of its individual parts.
According to the Chinese zodiac, 2010 is the year of the WHITE TIGER—“gyeong” means white and “in” means tiger. The White Metal Tiger of 2010 is the ruler of the Fall season and governor of the metal elements. According to Chinese mythology there are five tigers that hold the balance of the cosmic forces in place and prevent chaos from collapsing into the universe. The year 2010 and the Chinese white tiger have strong numerical and symbolic synchronicities. In numerology, the year 2010 is 20+10=30=3+0=3. Three is the universal number for heaven, earth and waster. It is also the human body, soul and spirit. The month of the tiger is the third month of the year—March. And the tiger occupies the third position on the Chinese zodiac. The time of the tiger is from 3:00am to 4:59am—the Hour of Souls—a special time when the dying often chooses to free themselves from their physical bodies. The tiger is not only the emblem of protection for the living; it is the protector of the dead.
How does all this equate to what is in store for us in the year 2010? Through sheer will power, 2010 will create balance that will diminish chaos. Tigers go where angels fear to tread. The year 2010 will be the year of the protected free spirits. The elements of the tiger will herald in strength, power and wealth—Tsaishen Key.
When the sun sets in the West, love will have united East and West and conquered all. The message is clear: religions, mysticisms and technology will be united and produce offspring capable of living in many worlds by transcending time and space. One of the biggest changes in life on earth will be technological innovations that will align ancient spiritual “truths and scientific” facts. 2010, year of the White Tiger, will be an interesting year, indeed.
SOURCES:
http://pages.infinite.net/garrick/chinese/tiger.html
http://wwwchinesezodiac,comtiger.php
http://english.donga.com/service.php3?bicode=040000&biid
http://joongangdaily.joins.com.article
http://www.ofesite.com/spirit/numerology/path9.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cupid
http://ww23.rr.com/index.php?origURL=http://wwwchinesezodiac,comtiger.php/
Saturday, December 26, 2009
RESOLUTIONS
“Kathy, what is your New Year’s resolution?” a girl friend asked me over lunch. “Mine is to give up cigarettes and sugar” she continued, while shaking a packet of sugar substitute into her coffee.
“Not to give anything up and to put myself first,” I answered. “Then I will refocus on implementing the difference between want and need in my life.”
My friend stopped stirring her coffee, peered over her sunglasses at me, and asked, “What do you mean by that?”
The concept of “care-giver first” and the difference between want and need were clearly alien to her. I had learned about both of these ideas during radiation therapy ten years ago while battling breast cancer twice. I still see the side effects of emotional emptiness and burn-out in the women around me who are not aware of these self care concepts--so vital to life.
Women are the main care-givers, but many women give unconsciously and unconditionally until there is nothing left to give. Consequently, their emotional well runs dry. Lately, I am seeing an alarming pattern in my friends during these uncertain economic times. Part of the problem is not distinguishing between wants and needs. Families have many wants, and the care-givers try to meet these wants as though they are needs; a terrible burden to carry. Women are getting burned out from giving so much of themselves to those who want more than is available. Often, when there is nothing left to give to those who truly need help, including themselves, the result is medication, and psychotherapy to fill the void, and dull the feeling of failure in their lives.
Today is the dawning of a new day in a new year. My first New Year resolution will be to allow myself to love and embrace myself, and always put myself first. I will give myself permission to be number one in my life. How can I possibly share with others if I am empty? It is reassuring to be emotionally filled, loved and appreciated by others, but I need to be able to fill myself first with all of those signs of affection, even if no one else can give them to me. I want to be embraced by others but I need to love myself first.
When I was going through chemotherapy, my psychotherapist armed me with a powerful mantra to help me through the uncertainty of treatment. “You are number one. No one and nothing is more important than you.” She was right. Ten years later, as a cancer hotline phone counselor and mentor, that mantra is still important to me. If charity begins at home, and home is where the heart is, an empty heart cannot give anything to anyone else.
The importance of this mantra was even more evident during my Stitch-n-Bitch (as we liked to call ourselves) radiation therapy group. It broke my heart to see women who had been the sole care-giver to their family suddenly discarded when their circumstances shifted, and they needed to be taken care of by their significant others. These women said they felt that without the love and devotion of their family, they were nothing.
Their chances for a full recovery were challenged by their depression and feelings of emotional emptiness. Our little group spent many hours discussing wants versus needs. We want others to love us, but we need to love ourselves. We want a beautiful house, but we need a roof over our head. We want to eat in fancy restaurants, but we need nutritious food on our plate. The list of wants versus needs is endless. Realizing the difference between them, however, may be the first step in not becoming emotionally, physically and financially bankrupt.
Putting that concept into practice will help us, as care-givers, to become aware of our limitations. I realize that I have been lax in practicing what my little group preached ten years ago. So, my second New Year’s resolution will be to put want versus need back into daily practice. When I see something enticing, I will ask myself, “Do I really need that, or do I just want it?”
In 2010, I will focus on inner balance by being kind and forgiving to myself first, and then to others. I will seek out and join a community “sister-hood of women” who can be my support system. Their strength will keep me from feeling alone during times of despair and their resources will help me meet the needs of my family and friends.
When my body is fatigued, I will rest. When my soul is tired, I will meditate and give thanks for having all that I need. I will surround myself with the things I love; my husband, positive friends, pets, plants, music and fragrant candles while taking a warm bubble bath. Enjoying my favorite things will make my soul soar.
Like the Chinese yin and yang, which are seemingly opposing forces bound together, intertwined, and interdependent in the natural world, we are complex creatures comprised of body and soul. These two diabolically different parts must be in balance as a duality for complete health of body and mind. Like yin and yang, male and female, body and soul are a dynamic equilibrium. If one disappears, the other must disappear as well, leaving emptiness.
Too many of us have lost a part of ourselves and are experiencing this emptiness. We can look in both directions, but tend to focus on the past and judge ourselves by events that cannot be changed. It is time to face forward into the future of a balanced and strong New Year comprised of yin and yang. We can learn from our past to build a positive future. The good news is that a sisterhood of women is only a phone call or tweet away to help you refill yourself with the love you deserve and NEED.
Balance yourself. Take care of your soul and it will take care of you . . . then you can take care of others.
“Not to give anything up and to put myself first,” I answered. “Then I will refocus on implementing the difference between want and need in my life.”
My friend stopped stirring her coffee, peered over her sunglasses at me, and asked, “What do you mean by that?”
The concept of “care-giver first” and the difference between want and need were clearly alien to her. I had learned about both of these ideas during radiation therapy ten years ago while battling breast cancer twice. I still see the side effects of emotional emptiness and burn-out in the women around me who are not aware of these self care concepts--so vital to life.
Women are the main care-givers, but many women give unconsciously and unconditionally until there is nothing left to give. Consequently, their emotional well runs dry. Lately, I am seeing an alarming pattern in my friends during these uncertain economic times. Part of the problem is not distinguishing between wants and needs. Families have many wants, and the care-givers try to meet these wants as though they are needs; a terrible burden to carry. Women are getting burned out from giving so much of themselves to those who want more than is available. Often, when there is nothing left to give to those who truly need help, including themselves, the result is medication, and psychotherapy to fill the void, and dull the feeling of failure in their lives.
Today is the dawning of a new day in a new year. My first New Year resolution will be to allow myself to love and embrace myself, and always put myself first. I will give myself permission to be number one in my life. How can I possibly share with others if I am empty? It is reassuring to be emotionally filled, loved and appreciated by others, but I need to be able to fill myself first with all of those signs of affection, even if no one else can give them to me. I want to be embraced by others but I need to love myself first.
When I was going through chemotherapy, my psychotherapist armed me with a powerful mantra to help me through the uncertainty of treatment. “You are number one. No one and nothing is more important than you.” She was right. Ten years later, as a cancer hotline phone counselor and mentor, that mantra is still important to me. If charity begins at home, and home is where the heart is, an empty heart cannot give anything to anyone else.
The importance of this mantra was even more evident during my Stitch-n-Bitch (as we liked to call ourselves) radiation therapy group. It broke my heart to see women who had been the sole care-giver to their family suddenly discarded when their circumstances shifted, and they needed to be taken care of by their significant others. These women said they felt that without the love and devotion of their family, they were nothing.
Their chances for a full recovery were challenged by their depression and feelings of emotional emptiness. Our little group spent many hours discussing wants versus needs. We want others to love us, but we need to love ourselves. We want a beautiful house, but we need a roof over our head. We want to eat in fancy restaurants, but we need nutritious food on our plate. The list of wants versus needs is endless. Realizing the difference between them, however, may be the first step in not becoming emotionally, physically and financially bankrupt.
Putting that concept into practice will help us, as care-givers, to become aware of our limitations. I realize that I have been lax in practicing what my little group preached ten years ago. So, my second New Year’s resolution will be to put want versus need back into daily practice. When I see something enticing, I will ask myself, “Do I really need that, or do I just want it?”
In 2010, I will focus on inner balance by being kind and forgiving to myself first, and then to others. I will seek out and join a community “sister-hood of women” who can be my support system. Their strength will keep me from feeling alone during times of despair and their resources will help me meet the needs of my family and friends.
When my body is fatigued, I will rest. When my soul is tired, I will meditate and give thanks for having all that I need. I will surround myself with the things I love; my husband, positive friends, pets, plants, music and fragrant candles while taking a warm bubble bath. Enjoying my favorite things will make my soul soar.
Like the Chinese yin and yang, which are seemingly opposing forces bound together, intertwined, and interdependent in the natural world, we are complex creatures comprised of body and soul. These two diabolically different parts must be in balance as a duality for complete health of body and mind. Like yin and yang, male and female, body and soul are a dynamic equilibrium. If one disappears, the other must disappear as well, leaving emptiness.
Too many of us have lost a part of ourselves and are experiencing this emptiness. We can look in both directions, but tend to focus on the past and judge ourselves by events that cannot be changed. It is time to face forward into the future of a balanced and strong New Year comprised of yin and yang. We can learn from our past to build a positive future. The good news is that a sisterhood of women is only a phone call or tweet away to help you refill yourself with the love you deserve and NEED.
Balance yourself. Take care of your soul and it will take care of you . . . then you can take care of others.
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